the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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