I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
