don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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