youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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