dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
