There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
