Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize