I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
