im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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