Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
