Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
