She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
