im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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