i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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