i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
