I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i've created a new STD.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
