dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
