I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
