puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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