end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
