My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
