Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My ass is underappreciated
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize