Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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