i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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