he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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