Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
