Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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