i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Randomize
