I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
