You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
