Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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