I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
