How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
