Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
