Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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