Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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