My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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