sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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