Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
