At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
