Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
