Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
