i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's never too late to be topless.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
