I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I party with great urgency now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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