He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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