Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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