fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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