She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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