Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
