Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
