***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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