i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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