just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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