Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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