in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
