The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
