It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
