So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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