ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
