I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
