he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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