I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize