If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
