im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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