Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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