I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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