I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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