New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
