there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
