No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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