Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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