my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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